True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
