how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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