my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I supernannyed him into submission
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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