i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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