I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
