Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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