I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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