I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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