her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
