I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
