someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
