Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
