All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
