Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
