I puked a lego.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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