Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
