I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
