My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
