whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
