I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
