I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
