i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
