Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
