he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
