How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
