"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
