Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
