id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
