Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
