Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
