please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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