Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
