hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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