If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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