youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
