I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There r osticjed everywhere
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
