So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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