i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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