i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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