Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
