i love accidental penises.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
