Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
