Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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