I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
