What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
