he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
