I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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