well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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