wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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