As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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